A Yacht Named Dubai

Picture of A Yacht Named Dubai

  • This story was inspired by an actual Yacht named Dubai. If you download the picture and zoom in, you can see the name on the top left. This is a rare case where I left the large image size  for zooming purposes. Please be patient if it takes longer than usual to load.
  • The yacht belongs to the Emir of Dubai.
  • The dimensions and cost of the yacht are correct.
  • This story is just for fun. I saw the extravagant thing and decided to troll it. I hope you like it.

Once upon a time, there was an unhappy yacht—named Dubai. He was one of the smaller less big and poorer less expensive yachts. While the other oil magnates spent at least $500 million on their yachts, Dubai’s owner spent a mere $400 million—the cost of his pet cheetah’s vacation home. Dubai felt unloved and insufficiently pretentious as a result. Even at 531 feet (162 meters), he felt small.

He would often float by the harbor, collecting dust, peering at the beacons and lasers on distant water vessels, envious that the Arabian princes, princesses, princesseses, and princesseseses chose to party their nights away on larger yachts such as Rich AF, Daddy’s Oil Money, Vitamin Sea, Yeah Buoy, B-Yacht’ch, and I’m Definitely Not Compensating for My Small Penis (the biggest yacht of them all). On such occasions, Dubai would be reminded that loneliness was his only companion. His only friend, Friend Ship, sank years ago (Friend Ship was hit by another yacht named Ship Happens).

“Why me?! Just because I’m smaller and less expensive?!” he would ask himself. “Why won’t the other yachts be my friend? I look down on the peasants just like they do! I piss away money daily just like they do! I compensate for people’s insecurities just like they do! I’m just as good at helping my owner buy love and friends—just like they do!”

Forlorn, he would spend his days floating aimlessly in the open seas and his nights brooding by the harbor, eventually realizing that he was never going to be expensive enough. It was simply not in him. He was not built for it.

Then, on an unusually lonely and unusually pretentious day, as the setting sun crossed the horizon of the calm and glistening Persian Gulf, Dubai heard a voice—one with an accent uncannily similar to Sebastian (the crab) from The Little Mermaid.

“Why the stern look, man,” the voice said, accompanied by the increased revving of an engine.

Dubai steered his bow north and noticed a 49-feet (15-meter) cruising catamaran approaching. “Who are you, lowly peasant?”

“The name’s Boat,” the small boat said. “Usail Boat. And do you greet all fellow seafarers in such a rude way?”

“…Sorry. It’s a habit,” Dubai said.

“Being a doucheboat? You’ll make no friends that way,” Usail Boat countered.

Dubai sank a little. “It’s in my nature. I was built this way—pretentious by design, you see. I’m a yacht—mega yacht. I’m very sorry.”

“And I offer forgiveness—mega forgiveness!” Usail Boat quipped. “But why the extravagantly sad face?”

Dubai turned from Usail Boat and faced the harbor. “I have no friends. Nobody likes me. I’m not expensive enough. I’m not big enough…And my owner’s stupid pet cheetah took a shit everywhere,” Dubai answered.

“Ehhh, cheer up, my friend! Don’t worry! Be happy! Why get tide down by such small sorrows!”

“There’s literal cheetah shit all over my—”

“Aside from the literal shit in your life, things are good, no? The seas are calm! The wind is cool! And the seagulls are shitting on the tourists! There must be something good in your life!” Usail Boat said, sending forth waves of friendliness as he cruised to and fro in excitement.

Dubai pondered for a moment. “You’re right. I may not be as expensive or big as the others, but I’m still worth significantly more money than many others.”

“Ehhh…Not what I mean. But…whatever floats your boat, man,” Usail Boat said.

Dubai stared intently at this new peculiar acquaintance, partly startled he cared for something other than himself. “So, what’s your story then?”

“Well…” Usail Boat began.

And so, it went. As the sun ended its day and the stars began their night, Dubai and Usail Boat bantered on, testing the waters of their newfound friendship as the hours went by.

Usail Boat opened his sails in excitement, having lost track of the time. “…Yes! He sank on a cruise ship while I was in the harbor—hit an iceberg! It was some Titanic shit! A shame. I liked that owner. Now, I’m free to roam the open seas…But, enough about me. Time to talk about…myself and I!”

They shared a chuckle, sending forth ripples in the water. But as the ripples subsided, Usail Boat noticed a lingering melancholy in Dubai’s façade. “Your sadness remains. What troubles you?”

Dubai steered uneasily in place—between port and starboard. “You’re so at ease. Isn’t being big and expensive important to you, too?”

“Not at all!”

“I—I don’t understand,” Dubai continued. “In my hull, I feel so down—a sinking feeling. What’s the point if we’re not flashy and attracting attention?”

“The point is to live your best life…your best life—not someone else’s vision of what that life should be.”

“How can I do that?”

“Stop comparing, man. I am a catamaran. I will never be as big or expensive as a mega yacht. But I can be happier. That is my choice. And my engine is bigger—my mouth, too!”

“Well, you don’t actually have a bigger engine. An engine is proportional to your—”

“You know what I mean!”

“But…being big and expensive is important to me,” Dubai replied.

“Is that so? Deep in your hull? Is this something you believe to be true…or is it something others have convinced you to believe?” Usail Boat asked.

As the two sea vessels floated in silence, pondering profound thoughts, the stars glimmered splendidly across the water’s surface.

“I…don’t know,” Dubai said, still uneasily steering in place.

Usail Boat stared deeply at his reflection underneath the pale starlight. “You mistake reflections in the water for the night sky.”

Dubai’s uneasy steering ceased as he turned towards Usail Boat. “What do you mean?”

“You must look up—not down. Such is the best way to see the stars in their beauty. Such is the best way to see life. Look up to better things—not down. The view is much better looking up.”

Dubai mirrored Usail Boat, peering deeply into his own starlit reflection on the water’s surface.

Usail Boat raised his sails. “Most beliefs are a reflection of self—not a reflection of truth. But you must see the truth.”

Dubai diverted his gaze from his reflection toward Usail Boat. “See things the way it actually is, not the way I am—or the way others are?”

“Of course.” Usail Boat steered closer to his reflection and gestured down. “Look at how the stars are in the water. Now—look up. The reflection in the water pales in comparison to the night sky, no?”

As Dubai’s gaze fixed upwards, a sense of calm washed over him. Looking up was something Dubai had not done for a long time. For years he had only ever looked down—at his own reflection, on others, and on his life. In his sadness, it was the only thing he ever did. Now, for the first time in a long time, Dubai looked up.“…Yes. It looks much better up there.”

“Because it is the bigger picture, my friend—up there in the sky, not down here in the water’s reflection.”

“What is the bigger picture?” Dubai asked.

Usail Boat began cruising towards the harbor while his yacht friend followed suit. “We are all one—expensive or inexpensive, big or small, new or old, pretty or ugly. Even our different types do not matter—you mega yacht, me incredibly sexy cruising catamaran. We are all vessels that share the open seas. Why focus on differences that divide when you can focus on similarities that unite?”

As they reached the harbor to rest for the night, Dubai turned to his new friend. “I like the way you think, Usail Boat.”

Usail Boat splashed some seawater at Dubai. “Stick with me, and I’ll steer you in the right direction!”

And so, they spent their days lounging in the sun and cruising around the Persian Gulf. Their friendship inspired many other sea vessels (even the emo submarines always drowning in their sorrows). No one had ever thought it possible that a mega-yacht and catamaran could be best friends. They were from different worlds, but they shared the same sea.

The end.

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45 Comments
  1. Graham
    Graham says:

    Very funny! is this the yacht currently owned by Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, the Vice President and Prime Minister of the United Arab Emirates?

    Reply
  2. Jax
    Jax says:

    Heу there! I’ve been following your website for a whiⅼe now! This story was such a funny gem! I’m glad I found it! I just wanted to tell you to keep up the grеat work!

    Reply
  3. javier
    javier says:

    Very thoughtful stuff here. It was also funny as hell. Not sure if you intended it to be that way?

    Kudos, I appreciate it!

    Reply
  7. John Zhang
    John Zhang says:

    My friend referred this to me and I’m dead bro. This shit’s so funny!! 😂😂😂

    P.S. This story seems kinda random on your site. Not that I mind. It’s just that it’s totally out there, but I still still love it!

    Reply
  11. Mikey G.
    Mikey G. says:

    Oh my GOD! The amount of sarcasm and play on words is off the charts!!! There’s a joke like every couple sentences.
    Also, is no one going to talk about the funny ass boat names? B-Yacht’ch, Yeah Buoy, Friend Ship, Ship Happens, I’m Definitely Not Compensating for My Small Penis (the BIGGEST yacht) 😂😂. This shit is funny as hell.

    Usail Boat with the Sebastian (Jamaican) accent 😂. I see you. I see you.

    P.S. For those who somehow still don’t know, Usain Bolt (the person who Usail Boat is named after) is a Jamaican sprinter.

    Reply
  12. Arturo
    Arturo says:

    This story is amazing. I never thought I would care so much for a yacht and a boat. Sounds like some Disney shit. Serious storytelling talent here.

    Reply
  16. Hank Z
    Hank Z says:

    What the hell did I just read lol. Most of this was ridiculous, and I loved every part of it. Who the hell would have thought that anyone could have made a story about a talking yatch and his sailboat friend. In all seriousness though, this was some top notch storytelling. No lie.

    Reply
  18. William
    William says:

    I’m so impressed by how unique and funny this is. I can really tell that you just didn’t give a shit as you were writing this story. None. You just wrote whatever the hell you wanted and created something fantastic. Definitely keep this up.

    Reply
  19. Roberto Flores
    Roberto Flores says:

    Ooooh maaaan. You even know the boat terminology. This story seems deceptively nonchalant and cheeky, but I can tell you put a lot of work into it. I recommend putting up a picture of a catamaran though. I had no idea what that was. To be fair, that does not detract from how great this story is.

    Reply
  20. Jose G
    Jose G says:

    Just want to comment that I love this story. Sometimes, I don’t want to read serious articles or posts you know? I like the variety in your writing. This is such a unique story and I love it. The life lessons are pretty deep as well. That mistaking reflections in the water for the night sky part really resonated with me. That’s so deep. I imagine its the same as not being able to see the forest for the trees. It just sounds so much better. I’m stealing it!

    Reply
  23. Christina K
    Christina K says:

    Don’t even know how this made me laugh and think so much. One part it’s hilarious. The next part gets really deep and serious. Then its back to being funny again. I guess you could say it comes in waves (pun intended). I wish I had someone like Usail Boat in my life tho. He just seems like such a chill and wise guy who will give me a lot of good guidance. Someone to make me laugh and feel better about myself.

    Reply
  26. Ida
    Ida says:

    Am I missing something? It’s deep, but I didn’t find it as funny as everyone is making it out to be. I guess it’s my lack of experience with the play on words. Very well-written story though.

    Reply
  27. Veda
    Veda says:

    My goodness this story is written so well. I can see why everyone is so impressed. And while I can understand the praise for the humor, the storytelling is what draws me. It’s simply exquisite.

    “As the setting sun crossed the horizon of the calm and glistening Persian Gulf”

    “As the sun ended its day and the stars began their night”

    The imagery and descriptions are on point. You’re making it very easy to visualize all these scenes so vividly.

    And, dare I say it, the way you set up the dialogue is quite masterful as well. Kudos to you, good sir!

    Reply
  28. Mildred
    Mildred says:

    Aww. Usail Boat seems like such a great friend. I’d love to have a friend like that (even if he doesn’t have the accent).

    Reply
  29. Marisol
    Marisol says:

    I’m going to have to add my name to the list of people who want a second part as well. No hurry though. I’m sure the wait will be worth it (if you ever decide on a second part that is).

    Reply
  30. Mayra
    Mayra says:

    I laughed too hard at the mega forgiveness part. The two characters in your story seem so lighthearted and sweet. The yacht is spoiled, but he means well. I wish most wealthy and spoiled people were as down to Earth. I don’t meet many of those. Most of them were basically the stuck up yacht friends in the story.

    Reply
  31. Tonja
    Tonja says:

    Ƭhank you for this amazing story. It certainly brightened up my day a bit. I still can’t over how this is such an original and fun story. I can’t imagine anything about boats being interesting. And yet, here I am reading this fascinating, enlightening, and hilarious story about two aquatic vessels. Major props for such creativity.

    Reply
  33. Carissa Ford
    Carissa Ford says:

    My stomach couldn’t take it. It was just punchline after punchline! I was completely fooled into thinking that this was just some weird information piece about a yacht. Still in utter disbelief how everything just flipped 180 degrees in no time at all.

    Reply
  35. Mario Jimenez
    Mario Jimenez says:

    Holа! This story was very funny. I’m proud to say that I understood almost all the puns (I almost missed the B Yacht one though LOL). I was straight dying when I got to the yatch named Definitely Not Compensating For My Small Penis! Shout out from Laredo Tx!

    Reply
  38. Charline Wink
    Charline Wink says:

    This was actually such a heartfelt story. I genuinely wish that someone like Usail Boat existed in my life. Such a positive and wise individual. Mistaking reflections in the water for the night sky is such an amaaazing saying. I needed this. Thank youy.

    Reply
  40. Florian H
    Florian H says:

    Wait. I have a quick question. This is a real yacht and its name is actually Dubai. What happens if the owner finds out. Do you get in trouble for it? Are you like banned from Dubai now LOL.

    Reply
  41. Mose C
    Mose C says:

    Ӏ know this if off topic, bᥙt I’m ⅼоoking into starting my own blog. This page seems to be very active, so I’m hoping to get an answer. What do I need to set things up?

    I’m assuming having a blog like this would cost quite a bit of time any money? Thank you in advance for the help.

    Reply
  42. Melody
    Melody says:

    Oh my gosh this is so funny, like a punch line every couple of sentences. I couldn’t stop smiling the entire time. Such a unique story. I DIED at the part with the yatch names.

    Reply
  43. Iris T
    Iris T says:

    I was grinning the whole time while reading this. This story is so ridiculous yet so necessary. Very creative, can tell you didn’t give af.

    Reply
  44. Lyndon M
    Lyndon M says:

    I suddenly thought of this story and came back to it. Still funny as hell. These are dark times, and the laughter this generates does brighten up my day quite a bit. Although I enjoy the other stuff, I wish you made more random funny stuff like this.

    Reply
  45. Cassandra Naylor
    Cassandra Naylor says:

    Shouldn’t have been eating while reading this. Spat food all over my screen! This is all so random yet so hilarious. LOL

    Reply

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